I was about to update, and realized that I just updated yesterday. Clearly, I have a big gap of free time this week, and was thankful not to get any sub calls yesterday morning or this morning.

Today is the day...I wash the 2005 Ford Ranger for the first time. Yes, I have owned this truck for almost a year and I have yet to wash it. In some areas...I am pretty cheap.

Yesterday at the gym, I did something I hadn't done in a while. Intervals. Yes, those annoying bursts of running just before you collapse to get your heart rate skyrocketing. I forget how much of a difference those things make. At the end of the workout you actually feel like your body accomplished something, as opposed to how you feel after just running at a comfy pace for 40 or so minutes. That's the part about working out that I always need to work on...being innovative enough to mix it up. Then when I'm too lazy to do different exercises, I sometimes don't work out at all. Let's see if I can put a stop to that...

I'm going to do some volunteering for the Archives Committee at the Cathedral. I have an idea of what the work entails, so we'll see how it goes. It seems pretty fun. They collect old records, papers, letters, etc. to make a huge memorabilia in celebration of the Cathedral parish and the Cathedral building itself, so they want concrete samples of history organized for this upcoming milestone. Considering my sporadic bursts of free time...why not fill it up with volunteering?

Okay, off I go. Later.

Still haven't heard from St. Thomas. I don't know what typical turnaround time is for this, but it's been about three weeks. The longer I wait the more I train myself to be content with not getting in. Either way, I'll find out eventually.

Went skating on Sunday for the first time this season. Wonderful. Always fun to do. Angel, John's girlfriend, came out with us. She hasn't skated in years, and she only fell once. We went out to Chipotle afterward. That place is great.

Brother Joe had his first poker game of the season last Saturday. Now that I know not to bet like an idiot on every other hand...I REALLY LIKE THE GAME! Out of all 8 players, I was one of the remaining three. I lingered on by getting two amazing hands when I only had a hundred left to bet, so unfortunately I couldn't bet more. Good in that they didn't have that much clue to the sweet full house I had, but bad in that I couldn't bet enough to correlate to my sweet full house. Kept me in the game longer. It was between John and Jim, with Jim winning. He's good.

I'm trying to go to daily mass and read daily devotionals everyday this advent. Hopefully that'll stick even after the Christmas season passes. I often have the chance to go, but occupy my time in other ways.

Alright. I'm going to read. I don't have anything till 3:30 today. Yay students.

Sent in the St. Thomas application yesterday. Burden = lifted. Now it's time for the waiting, my favorite part .

I helped rehearse chamber orchestra this afternoon back at my old stomping grounds, Totino-Grace. This was the first time I've seen the new makeover to the fine arts wing. Wish it was done ten years ago so I could've milked the beautiful facilities the current students are enjoying. The band room is bigger and all the teacher offices don't feel like cramped closets. Hoffman has an "ensemble room" with this...thing. I don't know what the "name" of it is, but it's a system where you can customize the acoustics of the room (e.g. cathedral, concert hall, etc.). End result = you don't have to feel like you're practicing in a stuffy room. It was way surreal. I can't believe technology nowadays. If was a band director, I would NOT be the one to stay updated on that stuff.

I start stubbing a lot in the next couple of weeks. No surprise that lots of teachers are gone around the Thanksgiving holiday. Should be good...5th grade and middle school band.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. I want the up-north scene, the food, the family. I love spending time with my family more and more. It's amazing how that escalates the older I get.

I'm at the odd point where things seem to be going "too well" that I feel like I'm forgetting or not in tune with something in my life. I've reflected throughout the past week and know that my prayer life needs to up the ante. My attention to God is that of a small child at times, even during church. I really hate that my focus is not as adept as it used to be, probably due to the lack of the rigid structure of college to which I grew accustomed. Going through these days with my constantly transforming schedule is a challenge to keep my head attached while going from one place to the next. My priorities are a little more focused and in the right order, but there needs to be more time taken out for prayer, and I'm talking about time outside of church and faith formation at St. John's.

I am sort of used to a sporadic yet full schedule anyway, and it's nice sometimes to have opportunities pop out of nowhere and to have the flexibility to pursue them (going back to school being number one). Here's to high hopes for the next year as I anticipate being in school, and refocusing my overall direction. There are still so many unknowns, and I've grown to accept that more as a blessing than a disadvantage. "Enjoy the journey" as my mother says.

Wellheytherefolkshere'swhat'snew...

Got a 5 on the writing section of the GRE. Consider that "pwned". It's great to see the pay-off of hard work.

Went to an info night for all the M.A. programs at the St. Paul Seminary. Helped me discern a little more about the direction of this new journey. In examining the different routes (Theology, Religious Education, or Pastoral Ministry), I can easily see myself in any of these programs, almost to the point where I would love to do all three, though I remain realistic and wish not to be in school for another decade. I've been siding with the M.A. in Theology route pretty much since the beginning of for various reasons, even though I have also felt an inclination toward religious education and pastoral ministry. What first drove me to search and investigate through masters programs in theology was based on the fact that I needed to know more about the faith. The M.A.T. route as opposed to the other two routes just makes more sense to me based on where I am right now and what I need as a learner, even though I could likely fulfill an educational or ministerial role. For me to understand all the layers of any given concept, I have always understood it best through the means of reflective commentary and analytical research. Maintaining this blog should make that point pretty self-evident. Yes, if in the future I pursue a catechetical or ministerial role, I will seek the methods in which to properly evoke the teachings of the faith to various audiences...but that process would need to come later. (That was similar to my degree plan in music ed.) And God certainly knows (and all former ed. majors at Eau Claire know) of all of the education classes I've been deluged with for many semesters at Eau Claire. I already know I have a knack for teaching in general and especially feel in my element in teaching the faith, but so often even in the little experience I've had in the past year I've caught myself at a loss for answers to questions of our faith, both when I form lesson plans and gets asked huge questions from young minds. It's so great that these kids are asking these deep questions, but at the same time I want to kick myself for finding myself ill-equipped to answer them. It's good practice, though and is one of the best ways to shed light on what you actually know...and what you thought you knew. I simply have to know more. I believe what I will learn through the M.A.T. route will be the knowledge of the faith I will need first and foremost to serve the church. Gearing that knowledge to a specific ministry will be secondary.

Generally, I, like the gentleman I met yesterday at the youth ministers gathering, want to remain open to God's call, whether or not it be in a teaching capacity. Considering I had no idea this journey would be in my future back when I was 19 and declared music education as my undergraduate major, I can't knowledgeably say now what I will be doing career-wise pending the completion of this degree. I think the M.A.T. route offers the flexibility I would need in discerning everything, and I believe the subject matter of theology and innate value of the learning experience that matriculates from the design of this particular degree should be primary, above the concern of landing a specific job. Yes, career is important, but I don't want to get tunnel-vision and possibly limit myself to something I may not foresee in my future right now. Discernment is not easy, but with the help of the Holy Spirit...who knows what can bloom :-)

Well, the GRE is over. It was crazy how my head felt after that test was done. It was similar to how I felt about three years ago when I pulled the all-nighter finishing my music history paper, but this time I wasn't so overwhelmed due to lack of sleep. I think I did well, honestly. I got 550 on the verbal and 590 on the quantitative (math). At first I was a little surprised that I received a higher score on the math part than the verbal part, but then again, I feel more accustomed answering questions where there is only one right answer, whereas trying to answer questions involving language and vocabulary, answer choices can be much more ambiguous to the point where more than one answer could fit (and that's on many tests I've experienced in the past). Glad it's over. I just have to wait for the writing results.

Went out with violinists from Metropolitan last night. Definitely was fun. In any organization like that...you need the social component (or at least I do). I think this will be a regular thing. I'm glad I requested Wednesday mornings off at Caribou.

Internship at St. John's is going well. Sometimes it can be hard to land a sweet spot in a job, group or organization where everyone participates in the same common goal and is able to feasibly comply in their particular position to achieve that common goal. This may be too soon to say since I haven't even been involved with this group for a full month yet, but I am blessed to be working with such a strong community that shows appreciation and will go an extra effort to achieve what needs to be done. People are flexible and we're open with each other about goals we want to achieve individually and as a group. Definitely a crystallizing experience in my overall vocational path, wherever it may lead. Though a hackneyed saying...God does work in mysterious ways.

I'm liking the weather we're getting. It's beyond blustery and I thought I was going to fly off the road driving to and fro yesterday due to the wind, but winter is coming! I would have a hard time living anywhere south of Minnesota, or at least south of the midwest. I may have mentioned it before, but I would love to live back in the outskirts of major metropolis area. I grew up in Shoreview, so I don't have the experience of living in the city, and I went to school in Eau Claire which is just like another suburb of the cities, but a little more spread out and there's nothing else around it. I've been thinking that in the theoretical future, when I look for church jobs in the general field of faith formation/theology, I would be more apt to land a job a little bit out in the boonies, preferably up north (much more apt compared to landing a job teaching music). I like being close to the city, but living in it gets to be a little much. I want my own little section of peace, living in a quiet area with not much built up, being very quaint. Maybe not permanently. I don't really know where exactly I would want to live permanently. Not really something I have to worry about now, anyway.

I've been praying a little more often as of late. It is only typical that we pray more in times of need and/or desperation. I take the GRE in four days. I'm sick of the underlying feeling of stress due to my unknowing of how the test will go. Preparation is the key, I suppose!

Back to square one in the eating-healthy-and-controlling-eating-habits enterprise. If I keep with this train of eating whatever, whenever available, I will be a marshmallow. It's more difficult now in this time and at this age (no, I'm not THAT old); having to come up with different stress-tackling strategies and just not letting old habits or curve ball stress encounters battle my goals. Part of it is that I've done it all before and I just "don't want to do it all over again." Yes, it's true that there are some elements of life you cannot "enjoy" if you want to hop on the healthy upswing. I know what it takes, and I will choose one route or the other when the time comes, hopefully the route that will promote my health in a positive way.

This week, I've been preparing for the analytical writing part of the GRE. In all my preparation, I can honestly see myself doing well here. The one thing of which I must be most aware is my organization of thought, not letting side points or counter-thoughts distract what I need to cogently write on the test. I know in the past with my writing I have digressed from the main subject and didn't develop my points insightfully enough. That should be indicative that the thoughts I was trying to develop could not stand logical ground, instead my quality of writing. You can only BS so much...

Knowing what I know now, I really hope I do well. I think I will. I don't want to resort to the pessimistic way of thinking like I do for other things, in an effort to save myself from disappointment. I have to go into the test thinking I will do well, so that I will do well, even at the expense of possibly being disappointed from not doing well as anticipated.

Prayers welcome.

Wow, I slept a lot this weekend so far. I got hardly any sleep Thursday night (<4 hours) since I was all hyped up being with family at my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary (happiest time of my week, definitely). Worked Thursday morning, slept for 6 hours in the afternoon yesterday. Slept 7 hours last night. Slept another 4 or so hours this afternoon. I'll surely sleep right when I get home tonight after church and working out. Yeah, I probably need to catch up on sleep, but I didn't realize it that I believe I'm subconsciously avoiding responsibilities toward applying to graduate school, namely this GRE preparation.

This study guide I'm using is pretty good with spelling things out for you, not only in the content but also in test-taking strategies. What has been beyond frustrating as of yet is that I'm trying to successfully work through the math section but there are things I clearly do not understand even after the book spells the out the concepts and provides answers. What the hell do I do? In the past, this would be a section in the chapter that I just accepted that I wouldn't understand and just moved on...getting that section wrong on the test and taking the B or C. It's a little different this time around because my acceptance into grad school depends on it. What do I do if I don't get into St. Thomas? How the hell am I going to be prepared for a four hour test in two weeks? How can my brain successfully transition from vocabulary, to math, to writing in a highly concentrated four hours? Second thoughts suck.

I want this over with. It was kind of like being on cloud nine when I realized I wanted to go back to school, and now the actual process of doing it is really nagging at me to the point where I'm questioning whether or not it is actually possible. I really don't like being tested on stuff, or tests in general. Having a test like this be contingent on my ability to handle grad school in theology is is a little...far-fetched. I could be blowing it out of proportion; maybe the math portion isn't highly considered, or maybe they're looking more on my references and writing piece in the test and the application to the grad school program. I've never had this fear of not getting into something I truly wanted. I have not thought of a plan B if this doesn't go through...